It's My Fault
by aej325
Summary: My first ever Jess fic. Its a nice yet sad moment between her and her brother. Reviews are welcomed with open arms C:
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer – It all belongs to the great and wondrous Meg Cabot/Jenny Carroll except the plot that's mine.**

**xXxXxXxXxXx**

He had finally gone too far.

He just couldn't take it anymore.

The wall finally broke letting the voices flood his mind.

And he listened to them.

He let them control him, destroy him.

Now he's gone and it's my entire fault.

Mom, Dad, Mike, Rob, everyone and anyone who had heard about it would say "It's not your fault."

They're lying and its killing me inside.

It's my fault he's gone and there's nothing anyone can say about it.

If I hadn't been struck by lightening, if I hadn't have gotten this power, if I hadn't gotten detention, if I had taken Rob up on his offer, if it hadn't rained, if it hadn't done this, if it hadn't done that, if, if, if, if, if , IF, IF, IF!

That's what I say, that's my excuse.

They're horrible excuses.

If I hadn't told.

I never should have told anyone.

I should have kept it to myself.

But _noooo_ I just had to call 1-800-WHERE-R-YOU.

I tried to take back my words and say I didn't have it anymore.

That didn't work.

They still came.

I wanted to go away, leave and never come back to this hell hole.

I couldn't though, my family wouldn't let me.

He wouldn't let me.

He said everything would be alright.

He said he was better.

He said a lot of things.

I was a fool to believe him.

I still am a fool.

It's my fault, I was to trusting.

I can't take it anymore.

I'm leaving, leaving for good.

I don't want to cause them anymore grief.

But this is the only way.

I _have _to.

I'm scared.

There's only one way for me to be left alone.

I'm dreading it.

I have to die.

**xXxXxXxXx**

**AN – hope whoever is reading this likes it. It is a one shot but if I some how get some reviews telling me that I need to go on I will. That's very unlikely though. Please don't lecture me about my spelling or grammar, I know I suck at it and I don't need anyone to tell me that I do. Thanks for reading please review.**


	2. the end

**Disclaimer – I don't own what isn't mine…**

"lalala" – words

**lalala** – jess' thoughts at the evil thoughts

_Lalala_ – evil suicide thoughts

**Jess – lalala? What in the heck? You know I think you've lost you're mind.**

**Nightmare – hmmm, what?**

**Jess – see what did I tell you?**

**Nightmare – I dunno. What did you tell me?**

**Jess – not you, them. I was saying that you were crazy.**

**Nightmare – I'm not crazy.**

**Jess – yes you are, you made –underOATH suddenly turns on- rescue me instead of –underOATH screams- hey stop that!**

**Nightmare – -cough- -cough- on with the semi-one shot**

**xXxXxXxXx**

It's freezing out here.

My clothes are soaked and I'm shaking like a leaf.

Where did the saying 'shaking like a leaf' come from? It's not like leafs shake on a regular basis… right?

I peeped over the side of the bridge and 'eeped'.

I was really high up.

**Who am I kidding? I can't do this.**

_You have to._

**Why?**

_Because he died._

**But if I die people will just be sadder…I think.**

_You made him die. It's your fault. Now do as I say._

**No I didn't he had a medical condition.**

_And you pushed him over the edge._

**Your right.**

_I am? Er, yes I am. Now jump._

I looked over the side again.

_JUMP!_

**But – **

_JUMP!!!!!!_

I gulped in air and took a step closer to the edge.

I don't like heights.

_JUMP!!!!!!!_

I took another breath and jumped.

I screamed but instead of feeling the rush of air against my wet skin I felt two strong arms grab me.

"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING!" a very, very, very pissed off voice asked me.

I opened my tightly closed eyes to see…

Mike?

What the hell?

Mike?

MIKE????

The computer geek of a brother was saving me?

Did I miss something?

I blinked to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

"Mike?" I asked my voice horse.

"What?" He asked sharply picking me up and depositing me in his car.

I studied his face.

His eyes were red and swollen. Almost like he was, no, Mike cry? I frowned.

He gunned his engine. "Why?"

His voice was ruff around the edges.

"He's gone." My voice was quiet.

"I know Jess, but that doesn't you have to go and jump off a flipping bridge!" He banged his hand against the wheel.

I looked at him again.

"I'm sorry."

He turned at me, "Did you just say sorry?" confusion was in his voice.

"Yes. I just, I don't know. I guess I wasn't thinking."

He nodded his head, "its okay. Just don't try it again."

"'kay."

He looked at me again, "You look tired, get some sleep."

I frowned at his bossiness but shot my eyes and feel into a dreamless sleep.

**xXxXxXxXx**

**A/N – okay that was a freakin crapy ending… oh well. Please review!**


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